Bible Reading: Proverbs 27:9
I receive several e-mails each week from www.biblegateway.com. One of the e-mails I received this morning was titled, “What Pastors Should Look for in a Safe Relationship.” While the focus of the article was on helping pastors to find people to work with that are trustworthy people with good character, I think the principles apply to looking or people that we can trust, people we can feel safe with and confide in. I think what the article said can be helpful to all of us. We all need people we can comfortably talk with and can trust. Here is the list of qualities this article recommends we look for when trying to determine if a person is a “safe” person to develop a relationship with:
* Not a cliché giver, doesn’t over-spiritualize * Asks good questions, effectively reflects back what he hears you say, and seeks to understand * Believes in you * Consistent, a promise keeper * Trustworthy, can keep secrets * Not afraid of your anger, tears, or other emotions * Has his own scars yet doesn’t wallow in his pain; empathetic * Around him you don’t feel like a child with a parent but feel you are equals * Will genuinely pray for and with you * Not critical or judgmental * Approachable, vulnerable, humble * Wise and discerning * Can and will challenge you to get outside your comfort zone * Around him (or her if you are a women) you feel comfortable; he’ll let you be on the outside who you are on the inside * Won’t try to make you someone you’re not; appreciates the real you * Likeable to be around (I can’t overemphasize this) * Strong commitment to Christ, helps your commitment to Christ deepen * Willing to confront with love and grace, doesn’t flatter * Helps you become a better person * Doesn’t have a lot of expectations of you To boil it down, a safe person is one who truly will listen, occasionally offer advice, and consistently will support and strengthen you. Pastor, I encourage you to find a safe person in your life, sooner rather than later.” One last thing, I’d like to echo the caution the writer of the article put in place. No one will perfectly fill these qualifications. Just look for someone who reflects as many of these qualities as possible.
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20
Prayer: Lord God, help me to find and befriend only trustworthy people. In Jesus’ name. Amen.